blue...and it's all my fault

I suppose it's because I'm a Scorpio-moon. Or maybe it's because I was an only child with busy parents. It could also be that I am sometimes intensely over-dramatic. Whatever the reason, there are two things about me that I rarely discuss with people. One: I am sad and lonely a lot. Two: Sometimes I think I like it that way. I often subject myself to books, music, movies that I know will make me weep from my soul. I can get sad about so many different things. If I am looking for it, you can bet I will find it somewhere near by. Today for example, I heard a song (Rosie Thomas' "Farewell") and thought about how sad I might be if I listened to it after losing a loved one. Wow. There you go.

Being sad/lonely is such a strong and romantic way to feel. It's rich with emotion, it's something you can sink your teeth into. I suppose sometimes when I find myself reminiscing about useless old times that are long gone or missing people who are no longer in my life, I am looking for something around which to wrap my emotional self. Maybe my life is missing color and instead of choosing yellow or red I settle on blue, because it's easier. It really is easier. For me. To be sad. And the funny thing is that most people would probably describe me as "sunny" or "positive." And that's there. But truthfully I lean more toward brooding, morbid, and depressed most of the time.